Sore feet, dancing and good times...

First things first, I love being 18. I don't want to get any older than this, I am adamant that my 19th birthday will never happen because that means one year later, I will be in my 20's and will be kissing goodbye to the good times. Okay, so I get to drink, vote, go clubbing, whatever... but I still feel about 3, where is the sense? The other day I was with Dad in a car garage waiting for the sales assistant to help us, and I was surprisingly drawn to the little table in the corner piled high with multi-coloured bricks. The day building bricks as high as you can doesn't interest you anymore is the day you have become a very boring adult. Bring on the lego!

I've been out twice this week and had GOOD TIMEZZZZ! The first for Carlys 18th which didn't end too great at The Pro but was a good night out in the town with Tom, Eddy, Lucy, Loz... and then once again, after work last night. Several drinks and lots of money and dancing later with Vicki, Kellie & Co, I headed home with my gorgeous cheese and tomato pizza. I think eating really lowered the chance of me getting a hangover today and it worked. Hurrah! I also long for the day when some genius invents comfortable high heels, because they just don't exist. My poor poor feet, why do we girls do this to ourselves? To look good, yes... but to feel good? NO. Oh wonderful wonderful plasters... aaaahh.

So if you've read my last blog, you'll know I took my driving test on Monday and it sucks because I failed. Well actually, I'm only kidding so yeah, I passed first time with 2 minors and was exceptionally happyyyy! I haven't been out driving yet because I don't have a car so that's frustrating, especially when I have to wait in the rain for the bus. We've been searching around but for some reason, people seem to like writing off their cars. Are there any safe drivers out there?! So this is the end of having money, goodbye money. Now that I'm old enough to go out and get in places, I won't be able to anyway because I'll be moneyless. Fortunately, because it's the kids holidays and Harry Potter has just came out, I've been getting more hours at work.

So yeah, here's to hoping I find a car soon! *clink*

... on every page of your imagination.

I celebrated my 18th birthday on the 4th July so I'm now legally allowed to watch 18-rated films, drink and vote. Not that I care so much about the voting, I've never been one for politics, but hey! Maybe I will. I went to the theatre the other day and I bought a Malibu and Coke just because I could, it was a great feeling. ;) Only problem is, before you're 18 you get asked for ID every single damn place you go, but oh no - as soon as you become a legal adult... it's like they KNOW. There isn't much satisfaction that comes from asking for a drink legally without being ID'ed. I don't want to grow up though, yes I can legally do all this stuff that I couldn't do before but I will never get the same amount of satisfaction as I had when I was a child - when anything could have surprised me, when I found the littlest things so absurdly amazing. I want to remain a child inside. I want to be Peter Pan. I'm an 18 year old Peter Pan.

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You know that place between sleep and awake...

the place where you can still remember dreaming?

That's where I'll always love you.

That's where I'll be waiting.

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I've had a musical theatre week since writing here - I took a friend along to see We Will Rock You at the birmingham Hippodrome and I would recommend it to anyone who likes Queen. When you tell people they automatically assume it's one of those things that completely ruins the music and is a big cheese-ball fest but no, it was simply amazing and a real good time. On Saturday Mum, Auntie Rosena, and my friend Cynthia and I went down to London so me and Cynth could see Wicked. It was a really nice day, and I'm happy to say, she LOVED it. Waiting at the stage door in the rain has never been so fun.

I did have a scare on Friday night though, it's quite funny. Cynthesis stopped over night and about 2am in the morning, I was lying on the blow up bed in the living room floor, with her on the sofa, the cat at my feet... I sat up and actually believed the cat was dead. My heart started racing, she wasn't moving, I actually started nudging the cat going 'Cynthia, I've killed the cat, I've killed the cat...' - I've never seen my cat fully asleep, only snoozing because she stays downstairs in the utility usually... so there she was, most probably fast asleep with me shaking her and she stays in the same position and I'm panicking. Until she opens her eyes and gives me what can only be described as a cat's death stare. Well I'm SORRY if I love my cat so much. Hmph.

My driving test is coming up real quick, it's very very soon. The same time, same date as my friends. If one of us fails, one of us passes, oh it's gonna be so bad. If I pass it will make this year a whole lot better, because I could do with some luck/happiness. I'd also like to say Happy Birthday to my Mum yesterday, I'm sure she wouldn't like me to comment on her age but even if she is 49 I still love her. ;)

It's not long now until the results of my A2 year at college, well... a month or so. I honestly don't think I've done very well due to various reasons this past year... distractions, depression... and I don't think I could have done much better. Life is full of bad timing, and the problems I've endured this year are certainly bad timing. As long as I know the reasoning behind the results, whether good or bad, then it's fine for me - I did my best in the circumstances given. The only way I can describe what earlier this year felt like is the phrase I saw whilst reading New Moon which stood out for me:

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It's like heaven, slap bang in the middle of hell.

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The majority was hell, but the times with him were heaven. College was the last of my worries so I fell behind, and if I could have focused and been happier, I would have. So, good luck to everyone who will be receiving their results soon, be proud of them whatever they are!

Last of all, I have been feeling differently lately, yes I'm fairly happy but there is an underlying nagging that crops up and I don't know what it is exactly. I know what triggers it, yes, the same problem that's been there since November last year. When I say I'm meh, when I'm just okay, it's because I can remember. I'm having a bad day because I'm playing all the good memories in my head that have happened, and I don't think anyone can grasp a concept of what he meant... no, what he means to me. Nothing will ever change that, and I don't think I'll feel the same way about anyone for ages. I hope I will eventually. If you know what it feels like to lose the ability to hate due to love, then you will understand. I hope one day I can wake up and ignore the old feelings, the memories that remind me how special that whole time was, the most exhilarating, alive, confusing and depressing period of time in my life. Until then I'll smile, get up, go out, go to sleep and try my hardest to push it aside because as they say - all good things must come to an end.

Woohoo!

This past week has been eventful, lots of stuff to do. First of all we had to organise for my early 18th party, which was stupidly early but I'm going out this weekend because I can... so see you there! Thankyou to everyone for coming to my party, you were all awesome, even though most of us ended up outside because of the the heat, which may I say, has been so not England this week. It's really hot, it got up to 30 degrees yesterday here, which isn't hot in places like Australia and such, but HERE... oh dear. I also want to point out how awesome my cake was for my party, I didn't make the actual cake, but I iced it and it was super-dooper-good. I made 3 figures, 2 of them were Elphaba and Galinda from Wicked, standing either side of a yellow brick road which wound down the cake onto the board, where I put blue paper down to represent the sea, and then placed the 3rd figure of Jack Sparrow on it next to an icing Black Pearl. HAH! It's ace, and you know it!

So, the day after my party which was a nightmare due to the fact my feet killed from my high heels, me and my cousin headed off to London for the UK premiere of Public Enemies. We got there the day before as we'd booked into a hotel and met Toni and her mum. Me and Helen went to Kensington Gardens the night before - it was so pretty, everyone was out in the lovely weather, and another reason why I went there was the fact that Finding Neverland was filmed there and I wanted to find 'the bench.' Turns out, I got the wrong bench, yeah, that's right, I sat on the next one up from it. Maybe next time, huh? *EDIT* Since this post, I've watched the film and worked out that they must have swapped benches for different camera angles, so he did sit on this one. :) Not such a waste of time. Well... I'm still sad but I don't care. We headed back to our hotel after a healthy MacDonalds and I met up with Toni before bed, we chilled out for a couple of hours and then headed up to our rooms.

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Next morning, we got up at 5:20am which was ridiculously early but so worth it. And after a day of waiting like some sad idiot-arseholes, we met the one and only Johnny Depp. Lots of sunshine, boredom, crushing and pushing for 2 seconds with the man, and it was all soooo worth it. I asked him to sign my painting and he said 'oh wow yeah' and then after said to me it was a very nice painting. Cue happy Sarah! It's the second time of meeting him, so I'm pretty lucky. He's ace. I also stole one of the Public Enemies boards which is now in my room along with the one from the POTC2 premiere 3 years ago. Thanks to Helen for coming with me, and everyone I met there, including Toni, Carol, Emma, Safia, Dragon, Daniel and so on...

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I was knackered after, and really sticky from the heat in the tube stations, so I welcomed a shower and my bed. Got up the next day to go to the early staff screening of Public Enemies the day after, which was awesome, weird, but good! I keep forgetting things lately, I've forgot college inductions, driving lessons... it's mad.

I met up with Emma yesterday and we chilled out for a bit, before I headed off to work, and thats pretty much all I've done. My driving test is looming up, and my birthday is tomorrow, so bring it all on! :) Oh... and this year IS getting better!